Wonderings

I find myself continually furstrated and confused about who I am.

Reading this book "Ruby Slippers" has made me think a lot...mostly about how odd and seemingly incorrect she (Jonalyn Grace Fincher) is...but has also made me stop and ponder:
- God created male and female. Why? Before the fall, what was the purpose for both? What do I as a woman bring to the table that is different, unique, and important? paraphrased: What is the point?
- Who am I? Friends, social influences, family influences, boxes, books, stereotypes aside, who am I?
- What is the truth behind creation? Is it a historical document? Narrative explained to the best of the ability at the time? Myth based on fact? And if it something else than pure fact...what's the point of Adam and Eve? Are they true? And if not, is there any hope of discovering God's pure purpose for women without the example before the fall?

There are so many things I do not understand. And my fear is that there is no definitive answer. The more I search, I feel like more questions arise that lead me into tangents with even more questions...leaving me much more confused and lost than before, but somehow also settled and content. Can you be both at once? So much of the time I feel my emotions and feelings are at odds with each other, almost paradoxical. I wonder the purpose behind that.

One of the most useful things from Fincher's book, at least thus far from my perspective, has been the discussion of knowhitng what's behind my emotions at any given moment. And then the idea that it is my job to figure out whwat's going on and then turning it back over to the Lord, to change the deeper issue, to work on my heart and the whys. And even, perhaps in my case, to ask for the wisdom and clarity to even distinguish what is in my emotions.

I'm 25. I feel like I should be so much further than I am, in so many ways. Is that truth or lies that I'm supposed to believe so that I feel less than I actually am?

Many questions for a Sunday night before a new week of school!